


dead man walking

by lilhawkeye3



Series: A Slow Death [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, CC-1010 | Fox Needs A Hug, Depression, F/M, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Injury, Manipulative Sheev Palpatine, Mind Manipulation, Please Check On Your Friends, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:55:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26302297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilhawkeye3/pseuds/lilhawkeye3
Summary: Everything falls apart for Fox once Fives is dead.
Relationships: CC-1010 | Fox & CC-3636 | Wolffe, Riyo Chuchi/CC-1010 | Fox
Series: A Slow Death [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940872
Comments: 34
Kudos: 138





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Major trigger warning for depression and suicide/suicidal thoughts. Please don’t read this if you’re having a bad day.

His heart may keep beating the first time he pulls the trigger, but his life ends then.

* * *

He can only remember flashes of what happened that day, little snippets of the moment his world finally crumbled. The shout of his brothers, the shaky words of a dying vod, the recoil of his blaster.

He can’t remember, but no one lets him forget.

* * *

It starts out small, at first. Murmurs and whispers from visiting battalions and the shiniest clones in the Guard.

_Murderer._

_Brother-killer._

It’s followed by cold looks, by orders followed to the bare minimum, by shoves and tripped-up feet as he walks in the halls.

He manages to take it all without flinching, until the day one brother sneers back at him and calls him CC-1010.

“You’ve no right to a name, to call yourself a vod, _1010._ ”

The words fall from the lips of a drunk 501st trooper the Guard had picked up for disorderly conduct. Fox leaves his cell without a word to inform Rex that he has a wayward trooper.

* * *

Rex finds him in his office. He signs a form to collect his man, and leaves Fox with a brutal right hook and cracked jaw.

Stone finds Fox hours later sitting with his head in his hands and his back against his desk, mumbling about how he deserved every bit of it.

* * *

It’s no surprise the Chancellor finds out.

His words, while sympathetic on the surface, leave oily trails in Fox’s mind. They find his cracks and fill them with poison, saying how sorry he is to hear of Fox’s recent difficulties, but neither side can be blamed. The troopers, who are such basic, animalistic creatures that they would attack one of their own, or Fox, for completing his sworn duty to defend the Republic.

Fox can only stand there and listen to it all—

* * *

He leaves the office with a hazy mind, not truly recalling the events of the meeting, but feeling more beaten down than before.

* * *

She is the only good thing in his life.

Riyo holds him protectively in her arms as he shakes under the weight of it all, despite her being much smaller.

She accepts him despite not knowing what’s wrong. He can’t spill all his burdens onto her. They’re his to bear, to continue to roll up this incline even if they slip from his fingers before he reaches the top. This is his punishment, not hers.

He’s failed her, even if she refuses to hear him say such a thing.

He shouldn’t be near her. Shouldn’t let her touch him. She’s so pure, so precious— he can’t let his sins taint her light.

She says she loves him, but he knows that’s not true. A thing like him isn’t something anyone can love.

He allows himself to kiss her forehead one last time before he leaves while she sleeps.

* * *

There is a call to 79’s to break up a fight on his patrol. When he and his squad arrive, it is to find the matter at hand was him. One of his Corries stood up for him, and it was all downhill from there.

Fox remains outside while his squad handles it. If he goes in, he knows he’ll only make things worse.

All he ever does is make things worse.

He looks up as an armored figure approaches him. He doesn’t have time to register anything about them, other than it’s unmistakably a fellow clone trooper, when their blaster is drawn and a searing pain shoots through his shoulder. He falls to his knees as the shot is followed by two more: one to his right hand and one to his left thigh.

He’s left on the cold ground.

* * *

He comes to in the medbay. He wishes he hadn’t.

What a waste of resources. It could have been used on someone else.

“You’re awake.”

He turns his head to find Wolffe sitting beside him. His face is unreadable, but his brown eye burns with fury.

Fox doesn’t say anything. He simply returns to staring blankly at the ceiling.

“ _Vod_ —”

“Don’t call me that.” His voice is raspy, unused. When is the last time he spoke to anyone outside of his shifts? “I’m not a brother. Not anymore.”

Wolffe is silent. Maybe he’ll leave him alone now.

“Who did this to you, Fox?”

His smile is like broken glass. “Didn’t you hear? I did, of course.”

“We both know you didn’t shoot yourself.”

“Not yet.”

Wolffe’s growl draws Fox’s gaze again. “That’s not karking funny, Fox.”

“You know what is funny?” Fox laughs brokenly. “That you’re here. Rex broke my jaw. Bly blocked all transmissions from me. Cody was in a conference call and didn’t once acknowledge me. Just said, ‘Commander of the Guard.’” His eyes are tired as he meets Wolffe’s. “Bet you’re here so you can tell them they still have a disappointment in the batch.”

Wolffe sighs as he runs a hand down his face. “Fox… I lost a battalion of men. All of them, except for two. I heard them cry out to me as they were slaughtered one by one in what should have been their saviors. I listened to them scream as they were murdered, as they listened and watched their brothers die around them.” Here he leans forward, his hand reaching up to clench Fox’s uninjured shoulder firmly. “I can hear your screams too, Fox’ika. I will _not_ sit and do nothing as I listen to a brother dying. Not again.”

Fox flinched and tore his eyes away from his batchmate, finding a fixed point over his shoulder to stare at instead. “You’re too late.”

* * *

The Chancellor calls for him once he’s released.

Fox idly wonders how broken he truly is when he finds himself back in his office, not able to coherently remember if he ever made it to the meeting.

* * *

Only his fellow commanders in the Guard interact with him now outside of what is required for duties.

A part of him wonders why Stone keeps asking when he last ate. It doesn’t matter anyways.

He’s not sure why Thire counts the hours he’s been awake. At least in the waking world, he can bury himself in work. When asleep, he’s left to the mercies of his ghosts, the ones that whisper that his time is far overdue, that he’s only causing more problems being alive.

He knows they’re right. It’s only a matter of time, he supposes.

* * *

So he writes.

He’s never been one for writing, thanks to all the reports he’s had to draft, edit, review and sign off on. But… he’s a clone. He’ll have nothing left to his name anyways besides these words. It’s selfish, yes, but it’s all he has left.

So he writes.

He writes to Rex about all the memories he has of them whispering quietly at night on Kamino, dreaming about their lives when they finally got to see the stars. He wonders where it all went wrong— probably somewhere at the start. He tells him that he’s one of the best commanders out there, even if he never formally received the rank yet.

He writes to Bly, saying that while he isn’t worthy of love… Bly is. He shouldn’t let it slip through his fingers.

He writes to Cody, outlining the lack of memories he has about the Chancellor. How he thinks he’s investigated something, but can never remember what. Files mysteriously erasing. Men sent on missions that didn’t exist. His blaster— it should’ve been set to stun. He gives him one last mystery to solve, knowing Cody won’t accept any weak, mundane attempt of an apology.

He writes to Ponds, even though he’s long gone. It’ll go to his general, because Fox knows his brother still lives on in him. He asks if he’ll be forgiven, if there’s an after where they’re all waiting for him. He asks if they’d welcome him, even if he’s broken and can’t remember what he’s done anymore. He says he’s glad Ponds had a General who cared, because he was glad that his brothers were taken care of even if the universe punished him with the Chancellor’s oily words in return.

He writes to Stone and Thorn and Thire, and says he’s sorry he couldn’t help them. He tried to keep the weight off their backs as long as he could… and he now had to pay the price. He tells them he’s proud of them.

…He writes to Riyo, his starlight, the one who taught him of a different type of love. He says he’s sorry. He hopes she keeps shining bright for everyone around her to see. He tells her how every smile, every laugh, every crinkle of her eyes in happiness gave him something to keep living for, if only for a while. She’s the most precious thing in the world, and he’s sorry to have ever burdened her with his inconsequential self.

He writes to Wolffe.

Well, he stares at the datapad for countless minutes, and then he writes to Wolffe.

He gives Wolffe every bit of spark left within him. He gives him every happy memory, every trying moment, ever second of calm he’s ever had. He tells Wolffe how everything went wrong, how his mind had betrayed him just as he’d betrayed his brothers, how he didn’t know who he was anymore. He tells Wolffe of the reason behind each scar and tattoo on his body, how his hair had become peppered with gray, how he’d done his best to live up to the name Wolffe had given him.

He thanks Wolffe for being his _vod_. He tells him he’s proud, and to keep fighting.

* * *

When he’s finished, he sends his words out across the galaxy. Maybe one of them will read his final thoughts, and keep him alive in theirs, even if he doesn’t deserve it.

He sets the datapad on his desk and reaches for his blaster.

The cold durasteel against his temple is fitting, he feels. It matches the emptiness within him.


	2. After.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was requested that I write the reactions to Fox’s messages, so... here you go. Same trigger warnings apply. Please don’t read if you’re sad.

Maybe Rex sees a message alert from Fox, and he sneers as anger floods through him once again. He deletes it without reading it. Maybe he opens the message and reads it with contempt, maybe with confusion. Maybe an awful feeling settles in his stomach, and he messages his batchmates— in the original chat that still included Fox and Wolffe. Maybe he realizes something is wrong. Or maybe he doesn’t care.

* * *

Bly has blocked all communications from Fox. He never sees it. Or he might, if his batchmates reach out and ask if he’s heard from Fox. He might see the alert and leave it unopened, or delete it. He might open it curiously and wonder what such a vague message was for. He might find himself glancing over at General Secura when she asks him what’s wrong. He might shrug off her question and close the message. He might show it to her and ask what she thinks. Her hand might come to rest on his shoulder. It might not.

* * *

Cody sees the message. Perhaps he forgets about it as he preps for the next campaign, as he deals with a million other responsibilities that come with being a Marshal Commander. Perhaps he purposefully buried himself in his work so he can shove away his guilt at not opening it. Perhaps he sees the alert, and despite his disgust towards his batchmate, reads what he’s written. Perhaps he knows this is a goodbye meant just for him. Perhaps he sees it as the crazed ramblings of a murderer seeking any form of validation. Or, perhaps Fox’s words remind Cody of a million different rumors, a millions memories that are all starting to form into a bigger picture. Perhaps he takes his new hunch to his General, or to his fellow commanders, or to his medics. Perhaps the chips are found. Perhaps not.

* * *

Mace Windu is curious as to why the Guard Commander has sent him a message. He’ll open it, because the man has his general respect. Something in him pains when he sees it’s mainly addressed to Ponds, his deceased friend. He reads the words, and maybe that’s all he does. Maybe he continues on with his day. Or maybe he sees it as a cry for help, a final goodbye, and sends out a blanket message as High General asking after Fox’s wellbeing. Or maybe he sees this as another man under his care who needs help, and goes to the Guard barracks. Maybe he finds the body. Maybe he finds the broken brothers Fox left behind. Or maybe he doesn’t.

* * *

Stone and Thorn and Thire are all out of the barracks when they receive the message. Perhaps they’re able to drop everything and race back. Perhaps they’re busy and unable to check until later. Perhaps they try and voice-comm their brother, to see if he’ll answer. Perhaps they all return at the same time and find him together. Perhaps one returns first and is left distraught and calling for his brothers. Perhaps they comm Wolffe, the only other vod they know who cares. Perhaps they tell Riyo. Or perhaps they don’t notice his absence until he’s late for his shift, and their guilt only grows. Perhaps not.

* * *

Riyo hasn’t seen Fox for days, no, weeks at this point. She’s been unable to contact him, and has had to settle for trusting his brothers to care for him. Her day will be going normally when she sees the message before her world comes crashing down around her. Or perhaps she’s in a meeting when it arrives, and when she reads it afterwards, feels at fault for not seeing earlier, for not going to him when it was sent. Or perhaps she knows when he’s gone. Perhaps his Guard brothers tell her. Perhaps Wolffe. Perhaps she’s left not knowing for days. Perhaps not.

* * *

Wolffe opens it the moment he sees a message from Fox. Or maybe he’s in a firefight and can’t. Or maybe he’s in a meeting with General Plo, and the Jedi can sense his anxiety and lets him open it. He knows from the first sentence that this is a goodbye, and he knows that there’s nothing he can do from so far away. Maybe he has to hold himself together until he reaches his room. Maybe he falls to his knees before General Plo, whose heavy grip on his shoulder is the only thing grounding him anymore. Maybe he cries, or shouts, or silently screams at his failure. Maybe he’s silent in acceptance. Maybe he comms his batchmates and rages and storms at them, because they did nothing— no, they worsened his brother’s suffering. Maybe he disowns them. Maybe he adds a red fox to his armor— gray is already for mourning, the red is to keep his memory alive. Maybe he gets a tattoo. Maybe he hounds Cody when he finds out Fox gave him the rest of the mystery to investigate. Maybe he and his General and his battalion search for answers themselves.

Wolffe keeps fighting, but that’s the only certainty.

* * *

In the end, it doesn’t really matter how any of them reacted afterwards. What matters is what came before. Some tried to help the best they could. Some helped dig his grave before Fox’s heart even stopped beating.

He cried for help as he drowned, and was mostly met with cheers or indifference.

The few that cared only knew too late. He didn’t want to drag them under the water with him.

In the end, Fox is dead. Nothing that comes after matters, because his story ends there.


End file.
